just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
