he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
