She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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