I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
