Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
