Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
