I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
