I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
