They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
