im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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