My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
