I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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