felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
