chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
