so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
