shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
