I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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