So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
