how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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