we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
