He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
