May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
