once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
