You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
