I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
