oh god the rape fog is back!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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