she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
