I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
