How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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