My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
