Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
