All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
