I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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