so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
