Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
