Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
