took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
