Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
