I'm so fucking centered right now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Couch. On fire.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
