im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
