This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
