my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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