porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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