she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
