i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
