remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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