You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
