wakey wakey hands off snakey
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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