What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
