I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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