he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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