i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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