I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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