He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
