history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
