so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
