umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
