youre lurking in front of me
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
